12.15.08

Holiday Blues

Posted in Logan at 7:31 pm by kimi

It’s December 15th . . . only 10 more days until Christmas. We’re excited for Christmas, but so sad that Logan isn’t here to share it with us. Lance & I were anxiously awaiting the holidays this year because we were expecting to celebrate them with our son. But now . . .

Nowadays, we never know when a wave of sadness is going to hit us . . . they come & go whenever they please. Last night a wave hit me (or as Sunny would say, I had an “episode”). I had a very restless night & have been feeling extra blue since then. Today as I was driving home, I started thinking about how very different this Christmas will be from last Christmas. At this time last year, we had just done our IVF & were on pins-and-needles waiting to see if it was a success. We found out the good news just after Christmas and we were able to start 2008 off with high hopes.

This Christmas, we’re missing Logan. This New Year’s, we’ll be wondering if 2009 will be any better for us. It’s amazing to think that 2008 was truly the BEST & WORST year of our lives. Obviously, it was the WORST year because we lost Logan & Beamer. But 2008 was the BEST year because Logan came into our lives & chose us to be his parents. He must have known that he only had a short amount of time with us because he made sure to let his personality shine through from the very beginning! He showed us what a character he was, which made us love him even more.

As far as bad times go, I’d say we’ve definitely hit rock bottom . . . I keep telling myself that the only place to go from here is up. Right? I know that we’ll never “get over” our grief . . . the hole in our hearts will ALWAYS be there. But I have to believe that someday, the grief & the pain won’t be as raw as it is now.

In case you didn’t know, we feel blessed to have such wonderful family & friends to support us. It’s sometimes hard for us to express our feelings in person, so we’ll have to rely on our blog to do this. I think we’ve gotten pretty good at putting on a brave face when we’re around other people . . . it’s very hard, but we’ve managed somehow. You will NEVER know how much your love, support, hugs, emails, & blog comments mean to us.

So this Christmas, hug your loved ones & cherish the times you spend with them. Logan definitely taught us to make the most of our time here on Earth . . . life is too short & too precious to waste. Appreciate each other . . . show your loved ones how much you care . . . and please share some holiday cheer with our two guardian angels!

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