A peek into life with the Shinsatos…
Today, October 15th, is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Â If you can, please join us in lighting a candle in memory of Logan & all of the other precious angels who have left our world much too soon. Â If you’d like to join us, please light your candle at 7 p.m., your time, and keep it burning for one hour. Â Please send Logan some love while your candle is burning! Â We miss you baby! Â Logan… Forever Loved!
Wishing a very happy birthday to the sweetest little angel up in heaven! Â Our little rascal would have been 2 years old today. Â We would give anything to have him here with us… we would LOVE to give him real hugs & kisses. Â Mommy & Daddy miss you & think of you every day Logan. Â We hope that you & Beamer have LOTS of fun on your birthday… try not to get into TOO much trouble! 
Love you baby!
Can you believe it’s 2010 already?? YIKES… where did 2009 go?
March for Babies 2010 is just around the corner! This year, the walk will be on:
Last year, all of the amazing support & donations we received from everyone helped to make “Team Logan… Forever Loved” Oahu’s TOP family team!! With your help, we raised over $6,000!! This more than surpassed our original goal!
In 2010, we’re hoping to raise more than $6,000 and to make “Team Logan” Oahu’s top family team once again. WE NEED YOUR HELP!! Please visit Team Logan’s website at www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1298659 to register to walk with us on April 24th. If you walked with us last year, the process is still the same. If you remember your login information from last year, that’s the easiest way because you won’t have to fill in your personal info again. If you can’t remember your login info, you can click on the “need help logging in” link. Like last year, you’ll create a walker page of your own so that you can keep track of the donations that you collect. If this is your first time walking with us, just follow the directions on our team website to register. Remember… donations can be made with cash, check, or credit card.
If you’re unable to walk with us, we’d LOVE to have you sponsor us! You can sponsor us here:
Please help us to honor Logan’s memory again this year. We want to thank all of you for the love & support you’ve given us over the past 2 years… it means the world to us!
Thank you… Doomo arigatoo… Mahalo… Merci… ‘tanks ah!!
Lance & Kim
Kim and I went to the blood bank today to donate blood. While there I found out that this donation brings my total to the 1 gallon mark!
Kim says that I should be getting a pin… I think I’m going to put my pin in Logan’s little hidey-hole. After all, he’s my inspiration for going to donate.
Another thing that I learned (the last time we went to donate blood) is that I’m CMV negative. This means that my blood can be used in the NICU because they only give CMV negative blood in there.
I think that donating blood is the least that I can do to honor Logan. I hope that everyone who reads this takes an hour out of their day to donate blood. It really does make a difference…
Thank you baby for showing me how strong and brave I can be… I hope you’re proud of me. Love you!
Team Logan was mentioned in the March of Dimes Hawaii newsletter as a top family team, along with a team picture from the Walk for Babies 2009!!
March of Dimes Hawaii Summer 2009 Newsletter
Look for the 2009 Walk for Babies article (on page 3)… Team Logan is mentioned at the end of the article and our team picture is on the next page.
Also, a very early “heads up”…Â SAVE THE DATE…Â Walk for Babies 2010 will be held on Saturday, April 24, 2010 starting at Kapiolani Park Bandstand at 7:30 am!!!
Team Logan raised over $6,000 for the 2009 Walk for Babies… Let’s top that in 2010!!! We want Team Logan to be the top family team again!!!Â
Again, a HUGE thank you to everyone who supported Team Logan and the March of Dimes!!!
Much love…
Lance & Kim
Tomorrow (October 15th) has been declared “Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day”.
A national candle lighting ceremony – A Wave of Light for October 15 – will be held tonight at 7 p.m. (in all time zones).
Tomorrow night at 7 pm, please light a candle for Logan & all of the babies that have left us too soon. Keep the candle burning for an hour & join us in honoring Logan’s memory.
Help make life a little more enjoyable for the children hospitalized in Hawaii. Help choose which 3 pediatric hospitals get an upgraded game room… Kapiolani Medical Center in Hawaii (zip code: 96826) could really use your support. You get 10 votes a day and each vote enters you in a drawing to win an Xbox 360 too.
http://xbox.childrensmiraclenetwork.org
Microsoft has partnered with Children’s Miracle Network to provide three Children’s Miracle Network pediatric hospitals an Ultimate Gameroom experience – and we need YOUR HELP to decide which three lucky hospitals will receive this great giveaway and better yet, YOU could win an Xbox 360 as well!
Cast your vote for the Children’s Miracle Network hospital of your choice, each time you vote you will be entered to win an Xbox 360 – the more you vote, the better your chances of winning!
There are no words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. I had hoped that passing Logan’s 1-year mark would bring about some kind of … ? Closure? Acceptance? I didn’t expect for things to be even harder than they already are. It’s not that I’m missing Logan any more than usual . . . I can’t imagine missing him anymore than I already do. I think it’s more that I really can’t avoid the harsh reality . . . Logan is gone and is never coming back. Life is going on around me and getting back to “normal”. Everyone is back to their own lives, back to the usual grind . . . and I’m stuck with this new life that I really don’t want. I’ve been on this enormous roller coaster of emotions and I just don’t know how to get off of this ride. I’m laughing one minute, and crying buckets of tears the next. I’m soo happy for friends one minute, and then insanely jealous the next. I feel supported by family & friends one minute, and all alone the next. I haven’t had a great night’s sleep in I don’t know how long . . . I’m physically exhausted, which makes it even harder to deal with being emotionally exhausted. I feel like I’m just …? Living? Existing? Surviving? Like I said . . . there are no words.
My apologies if my previous post freaked anyone out . . . I know we (me especially) sounded very depressed in that post. I’ll admit that I wrote that post while I was having one of my “episodes”. Yes, we’re sad. Yes, we miss Logan tremendously. Yes, some moments are harder than others. But no, we are not giving up. Remember . . . the word “quit” wasn’t in Logan’s vocabulary. No quitters allowed in Logan’s family.
Today is July 27, 2009.  It’s been exactly one year since our sweet baby Logan left us. We never thought we’d make it this far. When Logan was in the NSCU, being away from him for even a few hours every night was so difficult . . . we’d find ourselves counting down the hours until we could see him again. And now . . . we’ll never be able to count down the hours . . . we’d be counting for the rest of our lives.
It’s still almost impossible to accept the fact that we’ll never see Logan again for the rest of our lives. We’ll never rock him to sleep, never give him a bath, never tuck him in at night, never tell him a bedtime story, never hold his hand when we cross the street, never put a band-aid on his owies, never watch him playing outside with the dogs, never cry when he starts preschool, never teach him how to ride a bike, never worry about him when he plays sports, never cry as we watch him accept his diploma at his graduation . . . the list of nevers is endless. Sometimes, it seems like our life is full of nevers nowadays.
How is it possible that we’ll never see Logan’s sweet baby face again? Never feel his tiny hands holding onto our fingers?
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be a mommy who’s lost her baby. I don’t want to feel guilty about not providing a healthy & happy home for our baby to grow in. I don’t want to cry about all of the things we’ll never get to do with Logan. I don’t want people to feel sad for us. I don’t want to have to put on a brave face every morning so that I can convince everyone that I’m fine. I don’t want to hear how brave I am or how strong I am. I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want Logan.