08.19.09

There Are No Words

Posted in Kim, Logan at 11:51 pm by kimi

There are no words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately.  I had hoped that passing Logan’s 1-year mark would bring about some kind of … ?  Closure?  Acceptance?  I didn’t expect for things to be even harder than they already are.  It’s not that I’m missing Logan any more than usual . . . I can’t imagine missing him anymore than I already do.  I think it’s more that I really can’t avoid the harsh reality . . . Logan is gone and is never coming back.  Life is going on around me and getting back to “normal”.  Everyone is back to their own lives, back to the usual grind . . . and I’m stuck with this new life that I really don’t want.  I’ve been on this enormous roller coaster of emotions and I just don’t know how to get off of this ride.  I’m laughing one minute, and crying buckets of tears the next.  I’m soo happy for friends one minute, and then insanely jealous the next.  I feel supported by family & friends one minute, and all alone the next.  I haven’t had a great night’s sleep in I don’t know how long . . . I’m physically exhausted, which makes it even harder to deal with being emotionally exhausted.  I feel like I’m just …?  Living?  Existing?  Surviving?  Like I said . . . there are no words.

08.12.09

A Year Without Beamer

Posted in Dogs, Kim, Lance at 6:00 pm by kimi

Today is August 12, 2009.  It’s been exactly one year since our playful, gentle giant Beamer left us.  We just barely made it thru the one-year mark for Logan, and now here we are, doing it all over again.  For those of you who know us well, our dogs are like our kids, so losing Beamer was really hard on us . . . losing him so soon after Logan made it even harder.

It’s still sad to only see 2 furry faces greeting us when we get home, but knowing that Logan & Beamer are together makes us feel a little better.  We can just imagine what kinds of mischief the 2 rascals are getting into!  :)