A peek into life with the Shinsatos…
My apologies if my previous post freaked anyone out . . . I know we (me especially) sounded very depressed in that post. I’ll admit that I wrote that post while I was having one of my “episodes”. Yes, we’re sad. Yes, we miss Logan tremendously. Yes, some moments are harder than others. But no, we are not giving up. Remember . . . the word “quit” wasn’t in Logan’s vocabulary. No quitters allowed in Logan’s family.
Today is July 27, 2009.  It’s been exactly one year since our sweet baby Logan left us. We never thought we’d make it this far. When Logan was in the NSCU, being away from him for even a few hours every night was so difficult . . . we’d find ourselves counting down the hours until we could see him again. And now . . . we’ll never be able to count down the hours . . . we’d be counting for the rest of our lives.
It’s still almost impossible to accept the fact that we’ll never see Logan again for the rest of our lives. We’ll never rock him to sleep, never give him a bath, never tuck him in at night, never tell him a bedtime story, never hold his hand when we cross the street, never put a band-aid on his owies, never watch him playing outside with the dogs, never cry when he starts preschool, never teach him how to ride a bike, never worry about him when he plays sports, never cry as we watch him accept his diploma at his graduation . . . the list of nevers is endless. Sometimes, it seems like our life is full of nevers nowadays.
How is it possible that we’ll never see Logan’s sweet baby face again? Never feel his tiny hands holding onto our fingers?
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be a mommy who’s lost her baby. I don’t want to feel guilty about not providing a healthy & happy home for our baby to grow in. I don’t want to cry about all of the things we’ll never get to do with Logan. I don’t want people to feel sad for us. I don’t want to have to put on a brave face every morning so that I can convince everyone that I’m fine. I don’t want to hear how brave I am or how strong I am. I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want Logan.
After months of waiting anxiously, we FINALLY saw Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince!! Woo hoo!! This was one of my favorite books of the series, so I was very excited to see the movie. As we’ve done for the past 3 movies now, Lance & I went to see the midnight showing with my friend Joy (aka “my Harry Potter friend”). This time, however, our HP party grew . . . Jen, Hugh, Darin, Lisa, Jack, Katie, Steve, Sunny, & Sage all joined us! What a fun night! I was amazed at how many people were there for the midnight showing . . . when Lance, Joy, & I saw Order of the Phoenix, it was only shown in the 2 big theaters in Mililani. For Half Blood Prince, I think they ended up opening about 6 theaters to accomodate everyone . . . WOW!!
I don’t want to spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, so I’ll just say this . . .
If you haven’t seen it yet . . . what are you waiting for?? 