06.25.09

What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted in Kim at 11:54 am by kimi

Boy . . . what a difference a year makes.  Today is my birthday . . . I’m officially 34 years old.  Lance is at work today, so I’m spending the day alone.  Although I wish he were here with me, it’s kind of nice to have the time to myself . . . lots on my mind today.

It’s hard to believe that just one year ago, Lance & I were spending a few nights at his parents’ time share in Waikiki so that we could be closer to Logan.  On my last birthday, we decided to sneak away from the NICU for a nice dinner at The Cheesecake Factory.  On my last birthday, I hung out with my favorite little rascal.  On my last birthday, I would NEVER have imagined that being a “mommy who lost her baby” would be in my near future.

I’m really trying to not dwell on the sadness too much . . . I’m trying to be more positive, but with July 27th right around the corner it’s . . . difficult.  As if that’s not hard enough, I know of several new babies who have been born recently (or will be born shortly) . . . I’m sooo happy for these new families, but it’s such a glaring reminder of the unfairness of the situation that Lance & I are in.  Another glaring reminder is our family’s looong kids’ birthday list . . . with baby Rhys we now have 31 kids . . . 30 happy, healthy kids and our littlest angel Logan.

But ENOUGH of that . . . since Logan left us, I’ve been determined to NOT be a bitter person.  I used to think that I needed to be positive all the time in order to reach my goal of not being bitter.  My therapist has helped me to see that it’s OKAY to allow myself moments to be angry, to be sad, to be jealous, and to just scream at the unfairness of life.

Last year, my birthday wish was for us to bring a happy & healthy Logan home . . . obviously, I didn’t get my wish last year.  Well, today is my birthday and the one thing I want most in the world for my birthday is the one thing that I can’t ever have . . . so I think I’ve earned the right to have one of “those moments” (or “episodes” as Sunny would call them!).

Like I said . . . what a difference a year makes.

06.01.09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN!!

Posted in Logan at 1:48 am by kimi

Happy Birthday Logan!!  Our sweet baby would have been 1 today.  We can’t believe that it’s been a year since that little rascal came into our lives & won us all with his spunky spirit.  In honor of Logan’s birthday, we’ll be visiting our NSCU family to thank them – again – for the amazing job they do each & every day.  It’s because of the dedication of the NSCU staff that we were blessed with 8 wonderful weeks with Logan.

We ask that you join us in remembering our little angel on his special day . . . hug your loved ones, donate blood and/or platelets, make a donation to Kapiolani’s Newborn Special Care Unit, tell someone how much you love them.

We miss you Logan . . . we wish you could be here with us to celebrate your big day.  Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you . . . we love you baby!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY LOGAN!!