08.19.09
Posted in Kim, Logan at 11:51 pm by kimi
There are no words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. I had hoped that passing Logan’s 1-year mark would bring about some kind of … ? Closure? Acceptance? I didn’t expect for things to be even harder than they already are. It’s not that I’m missing Logan any more than usual . . . I can’t imagine missing him anymore than I already do. I think it’s more that I really can’t avoid the harsh reality . . . Logan is gone and is never coming back. Life is going on around me and getting back to “normal”. Everyone is back to their own lives, back to the usual grind . . . and I’m stuck with this new life that I really don’t want. I’ve been on this enormous roller coaster of emotions and I just don’t know how to get off of this ride. I’m laughing one minute, and crying buckets of tears the next. I’m soo happy for friends one minute, and then insanely jealous the next. I feel supported by family & friends one minute, and all alone the next. I haven’t had a great night’s sleep in I don’t know how long . . . I’m physically exhausted, which makes it even harder to deal with being emotionally exhausted. I feel like I’m just …? Living? Existing? Surviving? Like I said . . . there are no words.
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08.12.09
Posted in Dogs, Kim, Lance at 6:00 pm by kimi
Today is August 12, 2009. It’s been exactly one year since our playful, gentle giant Beamer left us. We just barely made it thru the one-year mark for Logan, and now here we are, doing it all over again. For those of you who know us well, our dogs are like our kids, so losing Beamer was really hard on us . . . losing him so soon after Logan made it even harder.
It’s still sad to only see 2 furry faces greeting us when we get home, but knowing that Logan & Beamer are together makes us feel a little better. We can just imagine what kinds of mischief the 2 rascals are getting into! 
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07.16.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Random Stuff at 3:50 pm by kimi
After months of waiting anxiously, we FINALLY saw Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince!! Woo hoo!! This was one of my favorite books of the series, so I was very excited to see the movie. As we’ve done for the past 3 movies now, Lance & I went to see the midnight showing with my friend Joy (aka “my Harry Potter friend”). This time, however, our HP party grew . . . Jen, Hugh, Darin, Lisa, Jack, Katie, Steve, Sunny, & Sage all joined us! What a fun night! I was amazed at how many people were there for the midnight showing . . . when Lance, Joy, & I saw Order of the Phoenix, it was only shown in the 2 big theaters in Mililani. For Half Blood Prince, I think they ended up opening about 6 theaters to accomodate everyone . . . WOW!!
I don’t want to spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, so I’ll just say this . . .
- The actors have really matured & delivered fantastic performances
- This was one of my favorites of all 6 movies (although I loved them all!)
- There were a few unexpected surprises
- Yes, of course, the book was waay better . . . but still, the movie was AWESOME!!
- I can’t wait to see it again, and then again in IMAX 3-D!!
- I can’t wait for Deathly Hallows parts 1 & 2!!
If you haven’t seen it yet . . . what are you waiting for??Â
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06.25.09
Posted in Kim at 11:54 am by kimi
Boy . . . what a difference a year makes. Today is my birthday . . . I’m officially 34 years old. Lance is at work today, so I’m spending the day alone. Although I wish he were here with me, it’s kind of nice to have the time to myself . . . lots on my mind today.
It’s hard to believe that just one year ago, Lance & I were spending a few nights at his parents’ time share in Waikiki so that we could be closer to Logan. On my last birthday, we decided to sneak away from the NICU for a nice dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. On my last birthday, I hung out with my favorite little rascal. On my last birthday, I would NEVER have imagined that being a “mommy who lost her baby” would be in my near future.
I’m really trying to not dwell on the sadness too much . . . I’m trying to be more positive, but with July 27th right around the corner it’s . . . difficult. As if that’s not hard enough, I know of several new babies who have been born recently (or will be born shortly) . . . I’m sooo happy for these new families, but it’s such a glaring reminder of the unfairness of the situation that Lance & I are in. Another glaring reminder is our family’s looong kids’ birthday list . . . with baby Rhys we now have 31 kids . . . 30 happy, healthy kids and our littlest angel Logan.
But ENOUGH of that . . . since Logan left us, I’ve been determined to NOT be a bitter person. I used to think that I needed to be positive all the time in order to reach my goal of not being bitter. My therapist has helped me to see that it’s OKAY to allow myself moments to be angry, to be sad, to be jealous, and to just scream at the unfairness of life.
Last year, my birthday wish was for us to bring a happy & healthy Logan home . . . obviously, I didn’t get my wish last year. Well, today is my birthday and the one thing I want most in the world for my birthday is the one thing that I can’t ever have . . . so I think I’ve earned the right to have one of “those moments” (or “episodes” as Sunny would call them!).
Like I said . . . what a difference a year makes.
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04.29.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Logan at 9:45 am by lance
March for Babies 2009 was a success!!! Walk day turned out to be a beautiful day – we were a little worried since there was a flash flood warning just days before.
Kim and I would like to thank everyone for all your support. Together, Team Logan pushed past our goal and raised $6,294 for the March of Dimes!!! Hopefully, our contributions will get them closer to their goal… “one day… all babies will be born healthy.”
If you still have donations to turn in, you can mail them to the March of Dimes Hawaii Chapter:
- Address:
- March of Dimes
- 1451 South King, Suite 504
- Honolulu, HI, 96814
- Phone: (808) 973-2155
- Fax: (808) 973-2160
- Email: HI345@marchofdimes.com
If you would still like to make a contribution, it’s not too late… you can enter a donation at http://marchforbabies.org/shinsato.
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04.23.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Logan at 1:34 pm by lance
Only 2 days left until walk day!!!
We just wanted to give everyone an update on how things are going and remind you that it’s not too late to sign up or make a pledge.
Team Logan is doing well… we have just under 50 people walking and as a team have raised $3,868 for the March of Dimes!!! Thank you to everyone who made a pledge. We still have a few more days… keep those pledges coming.
If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the walk (http://tinyurl.com/dyjwm3) or enter a pledge ( http://marchforbabies.org/shinsato), please do. The March of Dimes is an amazing organization with such an extremely important goal… “one day… all babies will be born healthy”
For all those that are thinking of pledging, but haven’t made up their minds yet, here’s some additional incentive… Farmers is providing matching donations!!! For all those that enter a pledge between now and walk day, please be sure to fill in the match amount and put “Farmers” as the matching company.
Thank you for all your love and support. We’re truly amazed at the impact Logan has made – and continues to make!
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03.19.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Logan at 1:27 pm by lance
Through Logan, Kim and I learned what an amazing organization the March of Dimes really is.
The March of Dimes is having its annual March for Babies event across the country.
There are two ways you can help: join our team and walk with us OR sponsor me and I’ll walk for you.
Please join our March for Babies Family Team ‘Logan… Forever Loved‘.  We’re walking in memory of our son Logan who passed away on July 27, 2008. Logan was with us for eight short weeks, but in that time he touched our hearts and showed us what it means to be strong and brave. To honor Logan’s birth and short life, we invite you to join our team and raise funds to help March of Dimes efforts to give every baby a healthy start. To join us, visit marchforbabies.org/teams/659237 and sign up today or contact Lance Shinsato at shinsato@gmail.com to get more information!
If you can’t make the walk, but would still like to sponsor me – so I can walk for you – please visit my March for Babies page marchforbabies.org/shinsato and enter your pledge.
Here’s the information for the March for Babies on Oahu:
April 25, 2009
Registration Time: 7:00AM
Start Time: 7:30 AM
Kapiolani Park
2750 Monsarrat Avenue
Honolulu, HI 96815
Walk Distance: 5 miles
March of Dimes – Hawaii Chapter Phone #: (808) 973-2155
To find out about a March for Babies in your area, please visit marchforbabies.org.
With your support, there’s hope! Premature birth and birth defects take a tremendous emotional and physical toll on babies and their families. You can help by joining our Family Team at March for Babies to walk and raise funds for March of Dimes research and programs to help moms have full-term pregnancies and healthy babies.
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03.05.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Logan at 11:51 am by lance
Received this update from the March of Dimes… If you or someone you know is expecting, it is highly encourage that you learn more about newborn screening. In Hawaii, it is state law that every newborn baby be tested for 32 different disorders…
We have some very good news to share: After nine years of intensive advocacy efforts, nearly every baby born in this country now lives in a state that requires screening for most of the 29 serious but treatable disorders recommended by the American College of Medical Genetics.
This is a remarkable public health advance essentially eliminating state-by-state screening gaps. And it was made possible by people like you — the volunteers, donors and staff of the March of Dimes — working in tandem with our partners and state officials. The clear beneficiaries are babies and their families.
Recently, TIME Magazine, The New York Times, Los Angeles Times Health Blog, San Francisco Chronicle, Health Day, Health News Digest, MedPage Today, CNN Radio and several NBC-affiliate stations shared this story following the release of our Newborn Screening Report Card.
Newborn screening involves a simple blood test taken before the baby is discharged from the hospital and is done to detect certain rare disorders before any symptoms begin. If diagnosed early, these disorders can be successfully managed or treated to prevent death, disability or other severe consequences such as mental retardation.
If you or someone you know is expecting, I encourage you to learn more about newborn screening.
Even while we are celebrating, we are continuing to work hard on this issue. Please join us either by signing up as an eAdvocate to help secure federal funding for the Newborn Screening Saves Lives Act (Public Law 110-204) or by working with your March of Dimes Chapter on this topic.
Together we are touching—and improving — the lives of our nation’s babies and families.
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01.13.09
Posted in Kim at 11:17 pm by kimi
So I’m finally back in my classroom . . . I just survived my first day with my students. So far, they seem like a nice bunch of kids . . . VERY talkative, but nothing too bad. A big bonus is that I only have 20 students & 2 of them are only with me after lunch.
I’ve been dreading going back into the classroom. After everything that we’ve been through with Logan, I’ve seriously begun to rethink my career choice. I’m really not sure if teaching is what I want to do for the rest of my life. This thought stresses me out & is causing me to feel a lot of anxiety . . . I’ve NEVER wanted to be anything other than a teacher. If I leave teaching, I have no idea what else I would do! With the current economic situation, now is definitely NOT the time to be unsure of my future. I’ve been having a lot of sleepless, restless nights lately. I just feel so . . . unsettled. Sigh . . . what to do?? 
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12.21.08
Posted in Kim at 12:46 am by kimi
I got this from a friend of mine . . . thought it was an appropriate thing to share during this holiday season.
For the Garden of Daily Living . . .
Plant three rows of PEAS:
1. PEAS of mind
2. PEAS of heart
3. PEAS of soul
Plant four rows of SQUASH:
1. SQUASH gossip
2. SQUASH indifference
3. SQUASH grumbling
4. SQUASH selfishness
Plant four rows of LETTUCE:
1. LETTUCE be faithful
2. LETTUCE be kind
3. LETTUCE be patient
4. LETTUCE really love one another
No garden is without TURNIPS:
1. TURNIP for meetings
2. TURNIP for service
3. TURNIP to help one another
To conclude our garden we must have THYME:
1. THYME for each other
2. THYME for family
3. THYME for friends
Water freely with PATIENCE and cultivate with LOVE. There is much fruit in your garden because you reap what you sow.
This holiday season, remember to show your loved ones how much you care. Remember one of Logan’s many lessons . . . live your life to the fullest because life is too short! Happy Holidays everyone!
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