A peek into life with the Shinsatos…
We just wanted to remind everyone that Logan’s celebration will be tomorrow (Saturday, August 9th).
Please join us for…
A Celebration of Logan’s Life
Saturday, August 9th
Mililani Mortuary – Mauka Chapel (map to chapel)
5:30pm – Visitation
6:30pm – Celebration Begins
This will not be a funeral or a memorial service, so please try not to wear dark colors.
For those who haven’t seen it yet, Logan’s obituary came out today in both local papers… The one in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin had a typo, so I think they’re going to reprint it tomorrow. Will post the corrected one when it comes out…
Here’s the corrected one…
Since Logan left us last Sunday, Lance & I have already visited the NSCU 3 times. The first visit was on Monday, the day after Logan left us. When we woke up that morning, our initial thought was that Sunday had all just been a horrible nightmare . . . once reality hit us, we realized that we had no reason to get up & go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to visit Logan had been a part of our daily routine for 8 weeks . . . we felt lost, knowing that Logan wasn’t waiting for us.
Although we knew it would be hard to go back, we made the decision to visit the NSCU. The NSCU was Logan’s home . . . the only one he ever knew. All of our memories of Logan are centered around the NSCU . . . we knew that our connection to him would be strongest there.
Going back to the NSCU sort of felt like going home . . . as we walked through the door, we were greeted by familiar faces & familiar sounds. Many nurses, doctors, and NSCU staff were there, ready with hugs & tears for us. These wonderful people were Logan’s family for the 8 weeks that he was with us . . . because they were Logan’s family, they became our family too. As we hugged each of them, we realized that by losing Logan, we also felt like we were losing a part of our family . . . although we can’t bring Logan back, we were happy to know that we could hold onto our NSCU family.
Waynell, the NSCU social worker, brought 2 chairs to Logan’s empty bedside. She pulled a screen around us to give us some privacy & allowed us to sit at his bedside for as long as we wanted. We sat there for a while, listening to all of the familiar sounds . . . after spending 8 weeks there, we knew what every sound meant! Sitting at his empty bedside was difficult, but it helped us to accept that Logan was no longer with us.
By our next visit, Logan’s bedside had already been filled with a new baby. One of Logan’s nurses said that the NSCU is like Vegas . . . it’s open 24/7 & it’s always changing . . . you see something new every time you visit. Although it was hard to see someone else in Logan’s “home”, it showed us that life goes on, especially in the NSCU.
On our last visit back to the NSCU on Sunday, Kim and I were talking to some of the nurses and found out that a company had donated a few blue Zakys. At first they thought that we had forgotten to take Logan’s one home, but then they realized that it was not his and there was actually more than one floating around. There was a little label on each Zaky saying, “Compliments of Ovation Pharmaceuticals.”
We thought that it was a little odd that just after Logan leaves us, these Zakys – and only blue Zakys… just like Logan’s – show up in the NSCU. We had several theories on how Ovation could be connected to Logan, but none of them panned out… Guess it’s just a coincidence, but we like to think that it’s Logan working his magic… 
On Wednesday, Lance & I went to see our sweet baby Logan for the last time. The mortuary needed someone to identify Logan’s body before cremation. We didn’t know if we would be strong enough to do this ourselves . . . we had no idea what his body would look like, or how it would feel. We envisioned a morgue (like the ones you see on TV), with our precious baby lying on a cold steel table . . . this was an image we couldn’t bear to see.
We thought about asking someone else to do the ID for us, but once again, we could feel Logan giving us strength. We realized that we wanted to give one last gift to Logan . . . sending him off on his journey, just perfect.  No one knew Logan the way that we did, so no one could do this for Logan except us. We asked my dad to drive us there and be our backup, just in case.
I know that we’ll never have “closure”, but I needed to see my sweet baby one last time to make this whole situation real. The day after he left us, we woke up hoping that this was all just a terrible nightmare. But when we went back to the NSCU and sat at his empty bedside, we realized that he was really gone. Just like seeing his empty bedside, we knew that seeing Logan’s body at the mortuary would also help us to accept that he has left us.
As we walked into the room, we could feel Logan’s presence . . . we could feel him filling us with all of his strength.  A small table had been placed in the center of the room, covered with a white cloth. Logan was lying on a small, white pillow, with a blue blanket tucked up to his chin . . . he looked like he was in bed, fast asleep. He was dressed in the outfit that we had chosen for him . . . a knitted cap and booties from the hospital and a preemie-sized onesie that I had bought for him. He was wrapped snugly in a blue blanket with a white knitted trim. He looked so peaceful.
We unwrapped the blanket so that we could see him in his “big boy” clothes . . . we were surprised that his onesie actually fit him! When Logan was born, we were each given an ID bracelet with a matching code . . . we would need this bracelet when we brought him home. We made sure to put Logan’s ID bracelet on his ankle – to keep his hands free so that he could touch his face – so that we could properly bring him home.
We gave his Zaky a few last hugs and kisses before giving it back to Logan. We placed it on his tummy, with Zaky’s fingers touching his face . . . exactly the way he always liked it. We tucked his pacifier – his other best friend – close to his heart and wrapped him up in the blanket. For extra warmth and security, we snuggled him and wrapped him in a second blanket . . . the one that I had wanted to bring him home in.
As we snuggled our baby for the last time, we were torn . . . it was so unfair that this would be the last time that we could ever cuddle our baby, but yet, he looked so peaceful. We had never seen him this content before. Looking at his precious face, we knew that letting him go was the right decision.
Looking back on that day, we are so thankful that Logan gave us the strength to see him off. When we last saw him on Sunday, his body was so traumatized by his massive infection. Holding him for the last time, Logan was so cuddly and soft . . . a much better memory for our one last hug goodbye.