09.12.09
Posted in Dogs at 11:30 pm by lance
We’ve been thinking of getting another dog for a while now. Koko is getting older and can’t keep up with Irwin. Kim’s been holding out for a Corgi, but we haven’t had much luck in finding one here… at least not without having to sell off an organ. Then we were presented with the opportunity to get a pure-breed (without papers) golden retriever, so we jumped at the chance. The breeder lives on Maui, but she flies over to Oahu often to help with her mother-in-law. We’ve been talking with her for a few weeks and have finally decided to go with one of her girls – there were 9 puppies in the litter… one of the other girls was Annie’s birthday present.
She flew in this weekend and we met her this afternoon… “purple puppy” (aka Bella) is the cutest thing ever!!! Since we met Mia (the breeder) at Windward Mall, we swung by my parents’ house (our dog sitters) so they could meet Bella. After that, it was homeward bound…
It’s taking a little bit, but Irwin and Koko are slowly warming up to Bella. What’s good is that she can hold her own against Irwin.
Couldn’t expect Dana or Megan to stay away once they heard that we were getting a puppy, so they all came over for dinner… Mom & Dad Jinbo; Hugh, Dana, & Megan (Jen was at a play); Sandy, Lane, Andie, & Mika; and Kaina, Lynelle, & Grayson.
Anywho, just wanted to announce the arrival of the newest member of our family… Bella!!!
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08.19.09
Posted in Kim, Logan at 11:51 pm by kimi
There are no words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. I had hoped that passing Logan’s 1-year mark would bring about some kind of … ? Closure? Acceptance? I didn’t expect for things to be even harder than they already are. It’s not that I’m missing Logan any more than usual . . . I can’t imagine missing him anymore than I already do. I think it’s more that I really can’t avoid the harsh reality . . . Logan is gone and is never coming back. Life is going on around me and getting back to “normal”. Everyone is back to their own lives, back to the usual grind . . . and I’m stuck with this new life that I really don’t want. I’ve been on this enormous roller coaster of emotions and I just don’t know how to get off of this ride. I’m laughing one minute, and crying buckets of tears the next. I’m soo happy for friends one minute, and then insanely jealous the next. I feel supported by family & friends one minute, and all alone the next. I haven’t had a great night’s sleep in I don’t know how long . . . I’m physically exhausted, which makes it even harder to deal with being emotionally exhausted. I feel like I’m just …? Living? Existing? Surviving? Like I said . . . there are no words.
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08.12.09
Posted in Dogs, Kim, Lance at 6:00 pm by kimi
Today is August 12, 2009. It’s been exactly one year since our playful, gentle giant Beamer left us. We just barely made it thru the one-year mark for Logan, and now here we are, doing it all over again. For those of you who know us well, our dogs are like our kids, so losing Beamer was really hard on us . . . losing him so soon after Logan made it even harder.
It’s still sad to only see 2 furry faces greeting us when we get home, but knowing that Logan & Beamer are together makes us feel a little better. We can just imagine what kinds of mischief the 2 rascals are getting into! 
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07.27.09
Posted in Logan at 9:45 pm by kimi
My apologies if my previous post freaked anyone out . . . I know we (me especially) sounded very depressed in that post. I’ll admit that I wrote that post while I was having one of my “episodes”. Yes, we’re sad. Yes, we miss Logan tremendously. Yes, some moments are harder than others. But no, we are not giving up. Remember . . . the word “quit” wasn’t in Logan’s vocabulary. No quitters allowed in Logan’s family.
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Posted in Logan at 12:02 pm by kimi
Today is July 27, 2009.  It’s been exactly one year since our sweet baby Logan left us. We never thought we’d make it this far. When Logan was in the NSCU, being away from him for even a few hours every night was so difficult . . . we’d find ourselves counting down the hours until we could see him again. And now . . . we’ll never be able to count down the hours . . . we’d be counting for the rest of our lives.
It’s still almost impossible to accept the fact that we’ll never see Logan again for the rest of our lives. We’ll never rock him to sleep, never give him a bath, never tuck him in at night, never tell him a bedtime story, never hold his hand when we cross the street, never put a band-aid on his owies, never watch him playing outside with the dogs, never cry when he starts preschool, never teach him how to ride a bike, never worry about him when he plays sports, never cry as we watch him accept his diploma at his graduation . . . the list of nevers is endless. Sometimes, it seems like our life is full of nevers nowadays.
How is it possible that we’ll never see Logan’s sweet baby face again? Never feel his tiny hands holding onto our fingers?
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be a mommy who’s lost her baby. I don’t want to feel guilty about not providing a healthy & happy home for our baby to grow in. I don’t want to cry about all of the things we’ll never get to do with Logan. I don’t want people to feel sad for us. I don’t want to have to put on a brave face every morning so that I can convince everyone that I’m fine. I don’t want to hear how brave I am or how strong I am. I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want Logan.
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07.16.09
Posted in Kim, Lance, Random Stuff at 3:50 pm by kimi
After months of waiting anxiously, we FINALLY saw Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince!! Woo hoo!! This was one of my favorite books of the series, so I was very excited to see the movie. As we’ve done for the past 3 movies now, Lance & I went to see the midnight showing with my friend Joy (aka “my Harry Potter friend”). This time, however, our HP party grew . . . Jen, Hugh, Darin, Lisa, Jack, Katie, Steve, Sunny, & Sage all joined us! What a fun night! I was amazed at how many people were there for the midnight showing . . . when Lance, Joy, & I saw Order of the Phoenix, it was only shown in the 2 big theaters in Mililani. For Half Blood Prince, I think they ended up opening about 6 theaters to accomodate everyone . . . WOW!!
I don’t want to spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, so I’ll just say this . . .
- The actors have really matured & delivered fantastic performances
- This was one of my favorites of all 6 movies (although I loved them all!)
- There were a few unexpected surprises
- Yes, of course, the book was waay better . . . but still, the movie was AWESOME!!
- I can’t wait to see it again, and then again in IMAX 3-D!!
- I can’t wait for Deathly Hallows parts 1 & 2!!
If you haven’t seen it yet . . . what are you waiting for??Â
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06.25.09
Posted in Kim at 11:54 am by kimi
Boy . . . what a difference a year makes. Today is my birthday . . . I’m officially 34 years old. Lance is at work today, so I’m spending the day alone. Although I wish he were here with me, it’s kind of nice to have the time to myself . . . lots on my mind today.
It’s hard to believe that just one year ago, Lance & I were spending a few nights at his parents’ time share in Waikiki so that we could be closer to Logan. On my last birthday, we decided to sneak away from the NICU for a nice dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. On my last birthday, I hung out with my favorite little rascal. On my last birthday, I would NEVER have imagined that being a “mommy who lost her baby” would be in my near future.
I’m really trying to not dwell on the sadness too much . . . I’m trying to be more positive, but with July 27th right around the corner it’s . . . difficult. As if that’s not hard enough, I know of several new babies who have been born recently (or will be born shortly) . . . I’m sooo happy for these new families, but it’s such a glaring reminder of the unfairness of the situation that Lance & I are in. Another glaring reminder is our family’s looong kids’ birthday list . . . with baby Rhys we now have 31 kids . . . 30 happy, healthy kids and our littlest angel Logan.
But ENOUGH of that . . . since Logan left us, I’ve been determined to NOT be a bitter person. I used to think that I needed to be positive all the time in order to reach my goal of not being bitter. My therapist has helped me to see that it’s OKAY to allow myself moments to be angry, to be sad, to be jealous, and to just scream at the unfairness of life.
Last year, my birthday wish was for us to bring a happy & healthy Logan home . . . obviously, I didn’t get my wish last year. Well, today is my birthday and the one thing I want most in the world for my birthday is the one thing that I can’t ever have . . . so I think I’ve earned the right to have one of “those moments” (or “episodes” as Sunny would call them!).
Like I said . . . what a difference a year makes.
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06.01.09
Posted in Logan at 1:48 am by kimi
Happy Birthday Logan!! Our sweet baby would have been 1 today. We can’t believe that it’s been a year since that little rascal came into our lives & won us all with his spunky spirit. In honor of Logan’s birthday, we’ll be visiting our NSCU family to thank them – again – for the amazing job they do each & every day. It’s because of the dedication of the NSCU staff that we were blessed with 8 wonderful weeks with Logan.
We ask that you join us in remembering our little angel on his special day . . . hug your loved ones, donate blood and/or platelets, make a donation to Kapiolani’s Newborn Special Care Unit, tell someone how much you love them.
We miss you Logan . . . we wish you could be here with us to celebrate your big day. Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you . . . we love you baby!
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY LOGAN!!
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05.29.09
Posted in Logan at 5:22 pm by kimi
Some difficult days ahead . . . we’ll be celebrating Logan’s 1st birthday with the family on Sunday night. We never thought we’d be celebrating his 1st birthday like this . . . no party favors, no goodie bags, no presents, no 1-year-old rascal trying to blow out his candles.
We’re both taking a “mental health” day on Monday, which is Logan’s actual birthday. We’ll be stopping by the hospital to visit with our NICU family. We haven’t been there in a looong time . . . not sure how hard it’ll be to be there on Logan’s birthday. June 1st will always be a bittersweet day for us . . . it’s the happiest day because it’s the day that Logan came into our lives, but it’s also a sad reminder of what we’ve lost.
My emotions have been “rollercoastering” up & down lately . . . I’m just barely keeping it together . . . some days I feel fairly human, and some days I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. Always on my mind is the fact that July 27th is just around the corner. Like I said . . . difficult days ahead.
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05.27.09
Posted in Logan at 10:32 am by kimi
It’s hard to believe it, but today makes 10 months since Logan left us. Even harder to believe is that Logan’s 1st birthday is just 5 days away! We miss him so much. Sorry . . . just a quick post because recess just ended.
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