07.31.08
Posted in Logan at 11:32 am by lance
On Tuesday, we met with Mililani Mortuary to plan Logan’s celebration. All of Logan’s grandparents came with us as our support system. Kim and I thought this would be one of the hardest days since Logan left us. We never thought we’d be planning something like this… we imagined planning his 1st birthday party, but never this.
The night before and the morning of, we asked Logan to guide us and give us strength. We’ve said all along that Logan was a smart cookie and always knew exactly what he wanted and did not want. Tuesday was no different… it may sound crazy but we really felt Logan’s presence and it was as if the answers just presented themselves.
The roughest part was walking into the casket and urn display room. The sight of that many caskets and urns was overwhelming… it didn’t help that right next to the urns was an infant sized casket. There had been tears prior to entering the room, but once we were there, Kim and I had a little bit of a meltdown. It was then that Kim thought, “We should be picking a stroller for our baby, not an urn.” The unfairness of our situation hit us hard. While we stood there in each other’s arms, mourning all the memories that we would never have of Logan growing up, we could feel Logan fighting his way back to us, trying to give us his strength… Giving up and self-pity wasn’t in Logan’s vocabulary.
We gathered ourselves up and went back to the office where everyone else was waiting for us and continued with the planning. We realized that none of the urns were right for Logan… the mortuary put us in contact with Woods and Trophies (the company that does their engraving). Later that day, we selected a beautiful koa urn for Logan. We chose to have a teddy bear and his name engraved on it. We think he would have loved it.
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07.30.08
Posted in Logan at 1:53 am by lance
Please join us for…
A Celebration of Logan’s Life
Saturday, August 9th
Mililani Mortuary – Mauka Chapel (map to chapel)
5:30pm – Visitation
6:30pm – Celebration Begins
This will not be a funeral or a memorial service, so please try not to wear dark colors.
Logan touched many people in his short time here with us… If you have any stories of how Logan touched you, we would love to hear them… please also share them with others… Although talking about Logan will always bring tears to our eyes, it is through these stories that Logan will live on…
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Posted in Logan at 1:50 am by lance
Logan was truly an angel from heaven with many lessons to teach in a very short time…Â If you were inspired by Logan, please consider doing one or more (or all) of the following…
- Be a blood and/or platelet donor… Logan received many blood and platelet transfusions from anonymous angels, without them he wouldn’t have lived as long as he did. Logan has even inspired me to give blood… I’m a big chicken when it comes to needles, but I’ll try to be as brave as Logan… I’ll let everyone know how that goes…
- Donate time, money, anything to the Kapiolani NSCU… Amazing things happen in the NSCU. This was the only home Logan knew and the doctors and nurses were his family… It is because of the hard work of the NSCU staff that we were blessed with 8 wonderful weeks with Logan.
- Donate time, money, anything to the Ronald McDonald House… We didn’t spend too much time in the Ronald McDonald family room, but it’s a wonderful place to have in the hospital… It gives families a shelter to escape to when they just need a break, a snack, or a place to get away from the hospital setting. We also saw many NSCU families benefit from staying at the Ronald McDonald house… these families are not from Oahu, but have children in the hospital… when they come to visit their child, the Ronald McDonald house saves them from having to worry about housing and transportation. They do NOT accept any money at any of these places and it is mostly volunteer run. The next time you’re at McDonalds, please support the Ronald McDonald charities.
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Posted in Logan at 1:46 am by lance
We know that the news of losing Logan was a shock to everyone… including us. Our Baby Steps post was so positive and Logan really seemed to be getting stronger.
Of course, as usual, Logan decided to “play” on the weekend… everyone knew to tell Logan it was Thursday during the weekends, but he somehow always knew better… In hindsight, we realized that we wasn’t his usual self from Friday night, but he really started to play on Saturday. All day Saturday, he was not having a good day at all… his oxygen saturation levels stayed in the 60s and he really started to swell up because he hadn’t had a good pee in a couple of days… Janice, one of his primary nurses, worked so hard ALL day to get him better. She gave him a blood transfusion, a platelet transfusion, and started him on 2 medicines to help him get rid of all the excess fluid. During her shift, she also ran a bunch of bloodwork on him and from that found that his white blood cell count was unusually high – usually a sign of infection – so the doctors also started Logan on 2 antibiotics. By the end of Janice’s shift, we were celebrating Logan’s oxygen saturation level being in the mid-70s… a sign that it had been a hard day for Logan. 
We stayed with Logan until about 10:30 that night and only decided to go home because he was finally starting to settle down and his oxygen saturation levels were in the high 80s / low 90s. This was Logan’s usual weekend routine… play on one day and by the night/early morning begin to get better…
We called to check on Logan early Sunday morning and found out that he started to play again around 2:00am… His oxygen saturation levels were back down in the 60s and the 2 medicines hadn’t helped him to pee out much fluid.
As we were getting ready to go to the hospital, we got a call from Dr. Oliveros, the neonatologist, letting us know that they had started to hand-bag Logan to try to improve his oxygen saturation levels. It didn’t sound critical at this point… Logan has been hand-bagged before. We finished getting ready and headed to the hospital.
When we got to the NSCU, Dr. Kim, one of the residents, caught us at the door and took us straight to Logan’s bedside – without even washing up… We knew something was VERY wrong at this point. Once at his bedside we could immediately see that Logan was not in very good shape. The doctors told us that they had just coded Logan – they had to give him epinephrine and do chest compressions to keep his heart going – and were hand-bagging him. They had put in 2 additional IVs so that they could pump him with all kinds of medicines to keep him alive.
We were in shock at this point. We had given our parents a heads up that Logan wasn’t having a good day, but we asked one of the nurses to please let them know exactly what was happening and how urgent the situation was.
Kim and I stood by Logan, talked to him, and put our hands over him. We tried to send him all the strength we could in hopes that he would be able to recover from this. The doctors told us that the suspected infection was causing Logan’s body to shut down. At this point, the doctors felt that it was only a matter of time.
We kept our hope alive because Logan’s monitors were showing that his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels seemed to be improving… By this time, all of our parents and a lot of family were there to give Logan additional strength. We all stood by Logan’s bedside for what seemed to be hours.
At some point, Dr. Kim came back and asked us if we wanted them to continue with Logan’s treatment. She suggested that they do another round of bloodwork, which we agreed to. While Janice was drawing his blood, Kim and I asked Logan to please help us make the right decision for him and to let us know if he wanted to continue or was too tired to fight anymore. The blood gas came back and it was worse than the last one, despite all the efforts the doctors and nurses had made.
Logan was telling us that he was tired, so Kim and I made the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make… We knew that we had to let our baby go… It would have been selfish to let him continue suffering.
Waynell, the social worker, escorted the family to a private room, while Kim and I stayed with Logan. We helped the nurses clean Logan’s face and dress him in his first “big boy” clothes. We asked them to remove as many wires from him as possible. After that, they gave him an extra dose of morphine, to ensure that his final moments would be pain free. They wrapped Logan in a blanket and then in the quilt that Edna had made for him. Kim carried Logan to the private room, while Dr. Kim hand-bagged him. Once there, they removed his breathing tube… We were finally able to see his precious face without any obstructions.
Kim and I are so grateful that we each got to hold our baby while he was still alive… Logan left us, cradled safely in our arms, with all of his family around him…Â The look of peace on his face is one we will never forget.
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07.27.08
Posted in Logan at 11:30 pm by lance
Logan left us today… His doctors suspected from yesterday that he had an infection and Logan hasn’t been feeling well for the last couple of days. This afternoon, it became too much for his little body to handle – although he fought all the way to the end.
The doctors and nurses took him off the ventilator and allowed Kim and I to hold him. He passed away in our arms with all of his family around him. He definitely knew that he was very loved.
Kim and I are exhausted, so we’re going to keep this entry short. We’ll post again at a later date.
We’d like to thank everyone for their continued support and love.
WE LOVE YOU LOGAN!!! YOU WILL BE MISSED BABY!!!
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07.24.08
Posted in Logan at 11:45 am by kimi
Just a quick update on the “baby steps” that Logan has made so far . . .
♥ He’s now drinking 10 cc’s of milk every 3 hours!!
♥ He’s passed 2 triglyceride tests so the doctors have been able to keep his lipids (IV fats) going. Until now, his liver hasn’t been able to process the fats so he’s had a high triglyceride level . . . whenever that happens, they either have to cut back on his dose or stop the IV drip completely. They haven’t had to do either of those since last week!!
♥ He’s much more tolerant of his environment. He used to be extra sensitive to light & sounds . . . he still prefers a quieter home, but he deals with the light much better than he used to. He no longer needs to be blanketed in complete darkness!
♥ He’s much more comfortable with touch. In the past, we could only put our hand on his stomach or back. If we stroked his skin or patted his back, he would flinch & get startled . . . now, he loves both of those things! In fact, he gets nice & sleepy when we rub his forehead! :o)
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07.22.08
Posted in Logan at 12:35 am by kimi
FYI . . . this is going to be another LOONG entry . . . Sorry!
If you haven’t already heard yet, Logan LOVES to “play” on the weekends . . . unfortunately, his idea of “playing” always ends up shaving some years off of our lives!
This weekend, Logan decided to sneak in a little bit of playtime again. Each day, Logan’s nurses do several blood gas tests on him . . . the blood gas monitors his carbon dioxide & oxygen levels, along with a whole bunch of other things. On Friday night, Dr. Murai (the neonatologist on call) felt that Logan’s CO2 level was too high & his O2 level was too low. To address this problem, Dr. Murai began making some changes to the settings on Logan’s oscillator. When we left Logan at dinner time, the amplitude on his oscillator was 28 . . . within about an hour after returning from dinner, Dr. Murai had made 2 huge changes in his amplitude setting (it jumped from 28 to 41). Needless to say, we were shocked to see such a huge change in his vent settings. We know our son well . . . he does NOT like a lot of changes & takes a looong time to adjust to them. Knowing this, we were very concerned with the way that Dr. Murai was handling Logan’s situation. In Dr. Murai’s defense, however, his hands were kind of tied . . . Dr. Oliveros (the neonatologist in charge of Logan’s team this week) ended her day shift with specific instructions for Dr. Murai . . . if he needed to make changes to the settings on Logan’s oscillator, she only wanted him to adjust his amplitude. Dr. Murai was comfortable with the high vent settings because of the leak in Logan’s ET tube (which was minimizing the effectiveness of his vent). We could see that Logan’s body wasn’t shaking as much as it should have, given the high amplitude, so we knew that Dr. Murai’s theory was probably correct.
After the huge change in his amplitude, Logan took a good 2 hours to settle down enough to accept the new settings. Thankfully, subsequent blood gases showed decreasing CO2 levels & increasing O2 levels. Logan remained pretty stable for the rest of the night & throughout Saturday morning, but they weren’t able to wean down on any of his vent settings.
On Saturday afternoon, Dr. Kim (one of the residents) made the decision to reintubate Logan with a bigger ET tube. When they first noticed the air leak, Logan was still too small for the next size tube . . . they just had to compensate for the leak by increasing his vent settings. Dr. Kim felt that Logan was FINALLY big enough to handle the next size tube! YAY! 
With a few doses of Pavulon & some extra pain medication, the reintubation process went fairly well. He was pretty stable throughout the evening, but by late Saturday night, his oxygen saturation levels were starting to drop. He does this quite frequently & usually comes back up on his own . . . this time, his saturation level dropped very low (into the single digits at one point) & he seemed unable to recover on his own. Carol (his nurse) & a respiratory therapist took him off the vent & began to hand-ventilate him. As they were doing this, they noticed that Logan’s oxygen level was much higher when they were using the hand-bag to give him long, slow breaths (instead of the short, fast breaths like the oscillator gives). Dr. Weiss (the neonatologist on call) decided to put him back on a conventional ventilator.
After several more doses of Pavulon & pain medication, the transition from the oscillator to the conventional vent went fairly well (although it did take them some time to figure out the right vent settings for Logan). He remained pretty stable on the conventional vent throughout the night & into Sunday. By Sunday night, however, they still hadn’t been able to wean down any of his settings. Because his pressures were so high on the conventional vent, they decided to switch him back over to the oscillator (the high pressures on the conventional vent were too dangerous for Logan to be on for an extended period of time).
At midnight on Sunday, Logan was put back onto the oscillator. Along with this change, they also started him back on the aerosol treatments they had given him during his last crisis. These treatments help to loosen up some of the gunk that’s clogging up his lungs. He’s now receiving the treatment every 8 hours, or more often if they feel it’s necessary. He’s also receiving a dose of Lasik twice a day . . . this helps him to pee out some of the fluid that he’s building up in his body. It also helps to release some of the wetness in his lungs.
After his weekend of playing, Logan finally seemed to be settling down again. By Monday, he was resting pretty comfortably on the oscillator (although they are giving him the occasional extra doses of pain medication). His vent settings are still high & he’s still requiring 100% oxygen support . . . this isn’t good, but it’s what he needs right now. The plan is to wean his settings & oxygen support level when he’s ready, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later! Given Logan’s resistance to change, we’re hoping that they’ll wean him slowly & allow him the time to adjust . . . unfortunately, they’d like him to get off of the high pressures as soon as possible, in order to minimize the damage to his already fragile lungs. It’s quite a balancing act that the doctors & nurses have to do with Logan. We’re crossing our fingers that he’s strong enough to handle the changes.
On a positive note . . . Logan is changing & growing every day! At 7 weeks old, he looks so much more mature & developed than he did several weeks ago!
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07.20.08
Posted in Logan at 5:18 am by lance
Logan hadn’t had his pacifier in a while, so once he finally got it back, this is what he looked like…
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07.17.08
Posted in Logan at 3:29 am by lance
On Wednesday morning, Dr. Johnson – the surgeon who put the broviac catheter in – removed the broviac. We didn’t get a chance to talk to Dr. Johnson, but we did talk to “T”, the resident who was on when the broviac infiltrated and when it was taken out, and she said that it was a good thing that they waited for Dr. Johnson because he said that it was hard to take it out.
The weird thing is that Nadine, Logan’s nurse, tried to flush the catheter once they took it out and it didn’t look like it was leaking anywhere. She’s thinking that poor Logan’s vein must have just given out and caused the line to infiltrate.Â
At least it’s out, he has a new PICC line in to replace it, and he’s feeling much better now.
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07.15.08
Posted in Logan at 11:06 pm by lance
Logan was not a happy camper today. We’re not exactly sure why, but we suspect that he might be uncomfortable because of the broviac infiltration. We tried to calm him down, but that only lasted so long…
The good news is that he seemed to have calmed down a bit by the time we left tonight… hopefully he has a better night than day.
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