08.27.08
Posted in Logan at 11:42 pm by kimi
Today is August 27th . . . it’s been one month since Logan left us. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that we were sitting in the NSCU, holding Logan’s hand and talking story with all of his nurses . . . other times, it feels like it’s been forever since the last time we patted his back or rubbed his forehead. Lance & I can’t believe that we’ve managed to survive a month without our precious baby . . . on the day that Logan left us, we were sure that we couldn’t live without him.
The pain is still raw and the hole in our hearts is still enormous . . . we miss Logan tremendously and would do anything to bring him back, but we know that can’t ever happen. We talk to Logan every day and ask him to help us survive one more day without him.
We’re slowly trying to get back into a routine . . . Lance is back at work this week, although he’s working from home. I’m planning to go back to school next week since Lance will be back at the office. Lance worries about me being home alone . . . I must admit that I worry about being home alone too. There are times when the pain is so great . . . those are the times that we are so grateful to have each other to lean on.
We want to thank everyone for the phone calls, emails, blog comments, etc. You’ll never know how much we cherish talking to family & friends and reading all your comforting messages. We could never have gotten through this past month without all of your love and support.
Along with missing Logan, we’re also missing our big guy, Beamer. When we go outside to play with Koko & Irwin, Beamer’s absence is huge . . . playtime was his FAVORITE time so not having him there is so strange. Feeding time also makes us miss Beamer . . . putting food into 2 bowls, instead of 3, takes some getting used to.
Knowing that our big guy is protecting our tiny guy, and that they’re keeping each other company, helps to ease the pain a little . . . one day at a time . . . that’s all we can do.
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08.21.08
Posted in Logan at 12:57 am by kimi
In his short 8 weeks, Logan had several “true loves” . . . Mommy & Daddy, his pacifier, and his blue Zaky. All of Logan’s aunties and uncles in the NSCU knew about his Zaky and knew NOT to mess with it! 
On the day that Logan left us, we were both in shock as we left the NSCU. As we neared the van, a thought came to me . . . I wanted to use the money that people had given us for Logan’s birth to buy Zakys for the rest of the babies in the NSCU. Lance wholeheartedly agreed with the idea . . . we think that was Logan’s first “message” for us!
About 2 weeks after Logan left us, we went to Makana Mother & Baby to buy more Zakys. Sandy went with us because Cathy (the owner of the store) is a long-time patient of hers. If you’ve never been to Makana Mother & Baby, you should definitely go . . . it’s a great little boutique! Cathy is such a wonderful person and sells the cutest things!
Before we went to the store, Sandy had called Cathy to tell her about our idea . . . she was very touched by it and was eager to help. Cathy had already set aside 6 blue Zakys and 6 pink Zakys for us to purchase. We mentioned to her that we also wanted to buy some preemie and newborn-sized outfits for the NSCU. As soon as we said this, Cathy started pulling outfits off of the shelf to show us. As she was ringing up our bill, we noticed that she did not charge us for any of the clothes . . . instead, she generously donated 12 super-cute outfits to the NSCU! THANKS CATHY!!
We had labels embroidered to sew onto the Zakys . . . they say “In Loving Memory of Logan Shinsato – June 1, 2008″. Jen, Sandy, Lance, and I got together one night to sew on all the labels. Lance and I took the Zakys and all the clothes to the NSCU last week . . . needless to say, our NSCU family loved the gifts! We’ve heard that a lot of babies are loving the Zakys . . . we know that Logan is smiling down at them!
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08.14.08
Posted in Lance, Logan at 10:36 pm by lance
Ok… So in one of our previous posts I said that in honor of Logan I would be donating blood… Well that day has finally arrived…
My friend Matt just recently started to donate blood again… he’s been reading our blog and saw the post about me wanting to donate blood and it just so happened that a few days before Logan’s celebration, the blood bank called him, so he scheduled an appointment… for both of us!!! Oh joy!!! Thanks Matt!!!
Well, this afternoon, Kim and I met up with Matt and another of our friends, Dolores, at the main Blood Bank office and we all donated blood together. I was very nervous about doing this, but the people there are very good at keeping you calm.
Kim usually takes a long time to donate blood, but today she was done in 7 minutes… mine on the other hand took 12 minutes. My arm was coming sore… not from the blood draw but from squeezing the ball so much. Next time – and yes there will be a next time – I was told to drink more water from the day before I go to donate, instead of on the day of donation.
Anywho, for all those that don’t believe, here’s some pictures to prove that I actually went to donate blood…
Thanks Matt and Dolo!!!
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08.13.08
Posted in Logan at 5:46 pm by kimi
Several people have asked us about how to donate money to Kapiolani’s NSCU (Newborn Special Care Unit) and/or the Ronald McDonald House. Here’s the info . . .
Kapiolani’s NSCU:
Make checks payable to:
Kapiolani Health Foundation
** on the memo line (or attach a note to your check), please write “In Memory of Logan Shinsato for the Newborn Special Care Unit”
You can mail your checks to:
Kapiolani Health Foundation
55 Merchant St., 26th Floor
Honolulu, HI 96813
If you’d like to use your credit card, you can also make an online donation by clicking on the link below . . .
http://tinyurl.com/5gahk2
** in the “Designation” section, select Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children
** in the “Comments” section, please write “In Memory of Logan Shinsato for the Newborn Special Care Unit”
Ronald McDonald House Charities of Hawaii:
If you’d like to donate money to the Ronald McDonald Charities, here’s a link to their site . . .
They also have a wish list, but we’re still trying to find out where you can drop off your donations . . .
FYI . . . when you make a donation to the NSCU in memory of Logan, Kapiolani sends us a letter to let us know about it. Thanks so much for the continued love & support you’ve all shown to us.
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08.09.08
Posted in Logan at 11:26 pm by lance
Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone who helped us celebrate Logan’s life…
We could feel the love and positive energies that you all shared with us.
We think Logan would have loved everything about tonight. We definitely felt his presence there.
Thank you again.
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08.08.08
Posted in Logan at 6:19 pm by lance
We just wanted to remind everyone that Logan’s celebration will be tomorrow (Saturday, August 9th).
Please join us for…
A Celebration of Logan’s Life
Saturday, August 9th
Mililani Mortuary – Mauka Chapel (map to chapel)
5:30pm – Visitation
6:30pm – Celebration Begins
This will not be a funeral or a memorial service, so please try not to wear dark colors.
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08.06.08
Posted in Logan at 4:33 pm by kimi
For those who haven’t seen it yet, Logan’s obituary came out today in both local papers… The one in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin had a typo, so I think they’re going to reprint it tomorrow. Will post the corrected one when it comes out…
Honolulu Advertiser
Here’s the corrected one…
Honolulu Star-Bulletin
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Posted in Logan at 9:34 am by kimi
Since Logan left us last Sunday, Lance & I have already visited the NSCU 3 times. The first visit was on Monday, the day after Logan left us. When we woke up that morning, our initial thought was that Sunday had all just been a horrible nightmare . . . once reality hit us, we realized that we had no reason to get up & go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to visit Logan had been a part of our daily routine for 8 weeks . . . we felt lost, knowing that Logan wasn’t waiting for us.
Although we knew it would be hard to go back, we made the decision to visit the NSCU. The NSCU was Logan’s home . . . the only one he ever knew. All of our memories of Logan are centered around the NSCU . . . we knew that our connection to him would be strongest there.
Going back to the NSCU sort of felt like going home . . . as we walked through the door, we were greeted by familiar faces & familiar sounds. Many nurses, doctors, and NSCU staff were there, ready with hugs & tears for us. These wonderful people were Logan’s family for the 8 weeks that he was with us . . . because they were Logan’s family, they became our family too. As we hugged each of them, we realized that by losing Logan, we also felt like we were losing a part of our family . . . although we can’t bring Logan back, we were happy to know that we could hold onto our NSCU family.
Waynell, the NSCU social worker, brought 2 chairs to Logan’s empty bedside. She pulled a screen around us to give us some privacy & allowed us to sit at his bedside for as long as we wanted. We sat there for a while, listening to all of the familiar sounds . . . after spending 8 weeks there, we knew what every sound meant! Sitting at his empty bedside was difficult, but it helped us to accept that Logan was no longer with us.
By our next visit, Logan’s bedside had already been filled with a new baby. One of Logan’s nurses said that the NSCU is like Vegas . . . it’s open 24/7 & it’s always changing . . . you see something new every time you visit. Although it was hard to see someone else in Logan’s “home”, it showed us that life goes on, especially in the NSCU.
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08.05.08
Posted in Logan at 10:44 pm by lance
On our last visit back to the NSCU on Sunday, Kim and I were talking to some of the nurses and found out that a company had donated a few blue Zakys. At first they thought that we had forgotten to take Logan’s one home, but then they realized that it was not his and there was actually more than one floating around. There was a little label on each Zaky saying, “Compliments of Ovation Pharmaceuticals.”
We thought that it was a little odd that just after Logan leaves us, these Zakys – and only blue Zakys… just like Logan’s – show up in the NSCU. We had several theories on how Ovation could be connected to Logan, but none of them panned out… Guess it’s just a coincidence, but we like to think that it’s Logan working his magic… 
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08.01.08
Posted in Logan at 10:01 am by kimi
On Wednesday, Lance & I went to see our sweet baby Logan for the last time. The mortuary needed someone to identify Logan’s body before cremation. We didn’t know if we would be strong enough to do this ourselves . . . we had no idea what his body would look like, or how it would feel. We envisioned a morgue (like the ones you see on TV), with our precious baby lying on a cold steel table . . . this was an image we couldn’t bear to see.
We thought about asking someone else to do the ID for us, but once again, we could feel Logan giving us strength. We realized that we wanted to give one last gift to Logan . . . sending him off on his journey, just perfect.  No one knew Logan the way that we did, so no one could do this for Logan except us. We asked my dad to drive us there and be our backup, just in case.
I know that we’ll never have “closure”, but I needed to see my sweet baby one last time to make this whole situation real. The day after he left us, we woke up hoping that this was all just a terrible nightmare. But when we went back to the NSCU and sat at his empty bedside, we realized that he was really gone. Just like seeing his empty bedside, we knew that seeing Logan’s body at the mortuary would also help us to accept that he has left us.
As we walked into the room, we could feel Logan’s presence . . . we could feel him filling us with all of his strength.  A small table had been placed in the center of the room, covered with a white cloth. Logan was lying on a small, white pillow, with a blue blanket tucked up to his chin . . . he looked like he was in bed, fast asleep. He was dressed in the outfit that we had chosen for him . . . a knitted cap and booties from the hospital and a preemie-sized onesie that I had bought for him. He was wrapped snugly in a blue blanket with a white knitted trim. He looked so peaceful.
We unwrapped the blanket so that we could see him in his “big boy” clothes . . . we were surprised that his onesie actually fit him! When Logan was born, we were each given an ID bracelet with a matching code . . . we would need this bracelet when we brought him home. We made sure to put Logan’s ID bracelet on his ankle – to keep his hands free so that he could touch his face – so that we could properly bring him home.
We gave his Zaky a few last hugs and kisses before giving it back to Logan. We placed it on his tummy, with Zaky’s fingers touching his face . . . exactly the way he always liked it. We tucked his pacifier – his other best friend – close to his heart and wrapped him up in the blanket. For extra warmth and security, we snuggled him and wrapped him in a second blanket . . . the one that I had wanted to bring him home in.
As we snuggled our baby for the last time, we were torn . . . it was so unfair that this would be the last time that we could ever cuddle our baby, but yet, he looked so peaceful. We had never seen him this content before. Looking at his precious face, we knew that letting him go was the right decision.
Looking back on that day, we are so thankful that Logan gave us the strength to see him off. When we last saw him on Sunday, his body was so traumatized by his massive infection. Holding him for the last time, Logan was so cuddly and soft . . . a much better memory for our one last hug goodbye.
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